the new normal.
Oh hey, remember the time I was all like, "I'm coming back to blogging! New things happening!" And then, I didn't? Yeah, whatever. Shut up.
I kid, I love you, don't go.
So, we moved back to Utah a couple of weeks ago. Well, by we, I mean, my children, one of the two dogs and myself. Erik and the other dog are still in Oregon, wrapping up the last of rafting season. I came back with the kids because Rowan, my now almost-four-what-the-crap-how-did-that-happen-year-old, had to start preschool.
Yes, my oldest started school and I've been the emotional wreck I always imagined I'd be in my nightmares. His orientation was the stuff of horror movies, so I was terrified for the actual first day. But you know what? He was just getting all of his screams and meltdowns out before the real thing started. When I dropped him off on his first day yesterday, he ran into the classroom, right to the cars and trucks, sat down and started to play alongside (not with, because issues, man) another little kid. I put his backpack in his cubby (he has a cubby. I'm actually writing this from the grave because I just died, it's so cute), took a few million pictures and slowly started to inch towards the door. He looked up at me and I fully expected the meltdown as I headed out. I smiled, waved, said, "I love you, bubs. Have a good day!" And he smiled back, waved, and said, "Okayguhbye!" and went back to playing. I was so proud of my kid.
Then, I sobbed in the car with Erik on the phone as we laughed and went through the list of "Oh my gosh I can't believe he's in school" sentences that every parent says on the first day. Rowan is going to school five days a week, every morning.
Two days down so far, and he LOVES it. And so does mama.
After the school drop-off, Scout and I come home, I feed her breakfast, and she goes down for her morning nap. Then, THEN, the most glorious thing happens. It's been so long since I've experienced it, I had a hard time recognizing it:
I literally sat in my living room with a cup of coffee and enjoyed the quiet. No reading, no surfing the internet, no music on, no TV. It was just quiet. I could hear myself think, and said, "Self, this is nice. This is real nice."
We're getting into a new rhythm, myself included. My mornings are earlier than they used to be, the day is structured a bit differently. So, I'm trying a few things to see what works with the time that we have - part of that is figuring out when it's best for me to write and blog, when it's best for me to clean the house & do laundry, when it's best for me to read (reading has become a top priority over the summer, it's not something I want to give up).
All of that to say, I'm still in flux, and will continue to be for the next forever. Life is life, man, I won't apologize for it, but I will try my best to stay true to my word and be here a little more as we find a new normal.