when one little word changes everything.
Hubster was gone when I found out. He was floating in a raft down a river in some remote wilderness area when I stared at the little window and marveled and what was to come... what was already happening. My dear friend Amber told me, "It's never not a miracle." And even in those first few minutes, I know she's right. It's amazing how one little word can change a moment. Can change everything.
I shook the stupid thing to make sure. Blinked a few times.
Then, over the course of the next few days I took seven tests. Yes, seven. Go ahead call me neurotic, paranoid, or whatever adjective you want. I'll likely agree with you.
All seven of the little windows said the same thing. As it happens, they're pretty accurate. Seven tests don't lie.
(As you can tell, I don't mess around with lines and plus signs. I like my pregnancy tests how I like my friends: They can give it to me straight & not sugar-coat things.)
So, there it is... I'm pregnant. Knocked up. "Fo shizz up the spout," as Juno would say. (too much?)
It's a huge reason why I've been absent around here. I've been single parenting my wild boy for almost an entire month while in the first trimester of pregnancy.
Please note that pregnancy means I cannot drink wine.
I want a trophy.
I've forgotten how much I struggle with being pregnant. My body just does not take it well. It leads a full-on revolt against me and my sanity. (I had major complications last time). I've been sicker than ever, a bit grumpy and I'm trying to find a way to hibernate for the entirety of summer. Hubster says I won't be able to hibernate. I then stick my fingers in my ears and sing "Lalalala!" over and over.
I know what the end result is, and it absolutely makes it worth it. But, I'm also convinced that we women have selective memories. I've been told that the selective memories of women are actually the entire reason that the human species continues to exist - if we remembered every detail of being pregnant & giving birth, there's no way in HELL we'd do this again.
I'm starting to believe it.
And something that not everyone tells you about the second go-around: Apparently, your ab muscles read the pregnancy test before you do. Because this is me at SEVEN WEEKS with a pooch:
I couldn't believe it, so I had to take a picture. Now that I'm 10ish weeks, my regular jeans are long gone. I cried when I couldn't button my favorite pair. Cried like a damn toddler having a Chernobyl-sized meltdown. I didn't have to wear the elastic band around my waist until almost halfway through my last pregnancy.
I'm starting to come out of the first-weeks-fog. I'm starting to see things in color again, instead of black and white and ash grey.
Also? Zofran is a miracle drug. Amen.
I'm going to preempt your questions and answer a few of the big ones I'm sure are looming:
- Was this planned? I don't know, as "planned" as these things go, I guess. I went off birth control (sorry if that's TMI) and we decided "we'll just see what happens and roll with it." So, what happened was, I got pregnant.
- Do you want a boy or a girl? I'd be lying if I said having a girl didn't terrify the crap out of me. I'd also be lying if I said my whole family wasn't cheering & hoping for a girl. All of that to say - I really don't care.
- When are you due? December 27th. Sorry kid, you might share a birthday with Jesus. Tough act to follow, I know.
- Are you going to find out the gender? Yep. No matter when you find out, it's always a surprise. But, I'm mostly afraid of the wrath of my mother if it is a girl and I choose not to tell her.
- Is this going to turn into a pregnancy blog? Being that pregnancy only lasts 9ish months, no. Will I talk about it? Probably. After all, the name of this blog is Nish Happens. I'm Nish. I'm pregnant. It's bound to come up from time to time. Will I only talk about being knocked up? No. For the love of all that's good and holy, no. I'd lose my mind if I only talked about being pregnant.
I think that about covers it. Obviously, if I missed something, ask it.
In the meantime, I'm going to go eat my weight in dark chocolate and prepare my cave for hibernation.